“Reunions are for backwards people who can’t put their pants on the right foot.”

“She rides a lot on the sheep then she rides on something else.”

“When did you replace your heart with your ass”

“Shh… You can’t sing to me or they’ll know we’re friends.”

“I’ve got a job for you. It’s not illegal anymore. It starts with my ex-husband and this red car.”

“They are all caught up in their anger and squirrels. I have to use my own head for breathing.”