Nurse- “I’m glad you’re my friend.”
Patient- “Friends are like brothers without snowshoes.”
Author: Amy Moloney
Young
Patient: “You young things always take good care of me.”
Nurse: “I’m not so young these days.“
Patient: “You’re young in my heart.”
Eyebrows
Patient 1: “That girl has a busy life.”
Patient 2: “No she doesn’t, she just has busy eyebrows.”
Hump Day
Nurse: Happy hump day, Love.
Patient: Oh yeah, who are we humping?
Bad Omen
“I’m watching your ears wiggle, if your right foot claps, it’s a bad omen.”
Worker Bees
“Don’t let your worker bees lose their spots.”
Time Machine
Nurse: A lot has changed since you were young. Did you ever think people would be stuck to phones they carry in their pockets?
100 year old Patient: No, I guess I would like a time machine to tell you all to get a life.
Nurse: You need a time machine for that?
Patient: I need one to prove how stupid this conversation is.
Say My Name
Nurse: Say my name.
Patient: Squirrel Dog
Information
“You better get off your ass because that’s where the information is coming from.”
Sandman Poetry
“I’m listening to the sandman across the moon. He told me you ran away too soon.”
Rain Ditch
“You need a hard bodied young man to stick you in a rainy ditch somewhere.”
Mushroom
“Did you see the giant mushroom that attacked my car?”
Dehydration
“What are you doing to intimately dehydrate me before dinner?”
Heart Failure
“Go ahead lady, take another swig of that heart failure on ice.”
Blouse
“Can I look down your blouse to make my belly feel better?”
Parrot
“I’m going to hire a parrot to squirt on your glasses.”
Periodicals
“How did you get your periodicals so small?”
Beer Run
“I’d like to make a call to whatever airline is making beer runs.”
Zip Zap
“I just want something to make my heart go zip-zap-how-bout-that.”
Slugs
“We go together like slugs in the night.”
Nurse Bitterpill [dot] com 