Nurse: Happy hump day, Love.
Patient: Oh yeah, who are we humping?
“I’m watching your ears wiggle, if your right foot claps, it’s a bad omen.”
“Don’t let your worker bees lose their spots.”
Nurse: A lot has changed since you were young. Did you ever think people would be stuck to phones they carry in their pockets?
100 year old Patient: No, I guess I would like a time machine to tell you all to get a life.
Nurse: You need a time machine for that?
Patient: I need one to prove how stupid this conversation is.
Nurse: Say my name.
Patient: Squirrel Dog
“You better get off your ass because that’s where the information is coming from.”
“I’m listening to the sandman across the moon. He told me you ran away too soon.”
“You need a hard bodied young man to stick you in a rainy ditch somewhere.”
“Did you see the giant mushroom that attacked my car?”
“What are you doing to intimately dehydrate me before dinner?”
“Go ahead lady, take another swig of that heart failure on ice.”
“Can I look down your blouse to make my belly feel better?”
“I’m going to hire a parrot to squirt on your glasses.”
“How did you get your periodicals so small?”
“I’d like to make a call to whatever airline is making beer runs.”
“I just want something to make my heart go zip-zap-how-bout-that.”
“We go together like slugs in the night.”
Patient: “You look like you swim a gay ocean. Do you row your boat in that sea?”
Nurse: “No Sir, I seem to always end up rowing on the Dead Sea.”
“You guys have really gone up my summer hole.”
“Will you pull all that shit out of your Columbo touting mouth?”