Nurse: “I have some apple juice for you.”
Patient: “Me?”
Nurse: “I’m even going to lie to you and tell you I grew the apples myself.”
Patient: “Are you an apple tree?”
Nurse: “Only in my spare time.”
Alzheimer’s Quote
Magic Hugs
“You have special magic hugs that make me remember you.”
~Nurses note: This has to be my favorite quote since I started collecting them.
Do you have a flag?
“You make me feel good. You should have a flag or something.”
Falling Off Kentucky
“In 90 years I’m going to fall off Kentucky.”
How are you?
Patient 1: “How are you?”
Patient 2: “Mentally iffiting.”
Oh Man
“Oh man, Oh man, I shit a little twine.”
Hello Pizza
“Hello pizza, I’m gonna sweeten your butt.”
Under My Pillow
Patient: “You want to go try the rose after I get out of the service?”
Nurse: “Sounds wonderful.”
Patient: “We get along nicely, don’t we?”
Nurse: “Yes we do.”
Patient: “I think I’ll put you under my pillow tonight.”
Monkey & Fried Chicken
“I’m gonna kill you with my monkey and fried chicken.”
Elephant Ass
“You’ll never catch me, I have an elephant in my ass.”
Dance in the wind
“The wind is coming in and I can’t dance.”
Old Turd
“You’re an old turd sittin’ in my Pepsi.”
Strawberry Banana
“She’s pickin’ bananas out of her strawberry patch.”
Pretty Ass
“You’re pretty for an asshole.”
Hit the whore
“If I get the car started, I’ll get to hit the whore.”
Get off my back
“Lady, get that fart off my back.”
Pinky Bird
“Your pinky finger is a bird in my sky.”
Move The Wall
“I’m stuck in a wall and I can’t even move it.”
Get Down Ernest
“Throw the bed, Ernest. Then get the hell down.”
Crack
“I don’t want to listen to you until they crack.”
Nurse Bitterpill [dot] com 