Patient 1: “What do you have that she needs?”
Patient 2: “The Indians up north.”
What she needs
Patient 1: “What do you have that she needs?”
Patient 2: “The Indians up north.”
Alzheimer’s Conversations
Makin’ it
Patient 1: “Fake it til you make it”
Patient 2: “What time is naked?”
Nurse Dreamcatcher
Patient: “I had a terrible dream. I didn’t know anybody. Is there something wrong with me?”
Nurse: “I’m here to help you remember.”
Patient: “That’s good. I don’t like this dream.”
Nurse: “I’m your nurse dreamcatcher. I will take those bad dreams away and throw them into the sun.”
Patient: “This dream is getting better already.”
Adopted Dinosaur
A conversation with herself:
“I don’t have a dinosaur.”
“Yes you do, you adopted one a while back.”
“I don’t remember why and how much.”
Smiling insomniacs
Nurse: “What is keeping you awake at night?”
Patient: “Thinking about your smile.”
Logic
Patient: “BETTY!”
Nurse: “Is Betty your wife?”
Patient: “No.”
Nurse: “Who is Betty?”
Patient: “I don’t know.”
Nurse: “Why are you calling her?”
Patient: “Because she’s not here.”
Part Time Apple Tree
Nurse: “I have some apple juice for you.”
Patient: “Me?”
Nurse: “I’m even going to lie to you and tell you I grew the apples myself.”
Patient: “Are you an apple tree?”
Nurse: “Only in my spare time.”
How are you?
Patient 1: “How are you?”
Patient 2: “Mentally iffiting.”
Under My Pillow
Patient: “You want to go try the rose after I get out of the service?”
Nurse: “Sounds wonderful.”
Patient: “We get along nicely, don’t we?”
Nurse: “Yes we do.”
Patient: “I think I’ll put you under my pillow tonight.”
Perspective
Nurse: “I’m like the witch with the house on top of her.”
Patient: “You’re lucky you have a roof over your head.”
God’s Blue Bells
Patient: “Please help me.”
Nurse: “How can I help you?”
Patient: “I want to be a visitor of God.”
Nurse: “How can I help with that?”
Patient: “I want you to help me paint someone blue.”
Nurse: “I’m not sure I can do that.”
Patient: “God said that bells are more than plenty.”
Bait Suit
Nurse: “Where are you going, Sir?”
Patient: “Laying in my bait suit.”
Wings Of Children
Patient 1: “You want me to take a crack at that leg?”
Patient 2: “I’ll roll you in the children’s wings.”
Patient 1: “We’ll have to kick ’em all out before the dog get’s here.”
Paperwork
Nurse: “I have this paperwork to finish.”
Patient: “Paperwork is another word for bullshit.”
Blue Nurse
Nurse: “I’m your nurse tonight.”
Patient: “You’re in church?”
Nurse: “No, I’m your nurse.”
Patient: “Ok then, I’ll take the blue one.”
Guarding Macaroni
Nurse: “Do you want me to walk you to your bedroom?”
Patient: “Is it guarded? Does she bite?”
Nurse: “I’ll stand guard.”
Patient: “Oh, you are a macaroni.”
Sugarcubes
Nurse: “Come over here and sit with me?”
Patient: “You shut your mouth.”
Nurse: “What did I do?”
Patient: “Oh well, I thought you were pulling sugarcubes.”
Conversation
Nurse: “How old is your baby?”
Patient: “I can’t think of everything.”
Conversation
Nurse: “What can I do for you ma’am?”
Patient: “I need people to spread on my toast.”
A conversation with herself
“I put her in a different body”
“Put me back in my body.”
“It feels awful. I have no body.”
“I’d feel better in another body.”
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