Patient 1: “How are you feeling?”
Patient 2: “How do I fail?”
Patient 1: “You look very nice.”
Patient 2: “I fell in a blue alamo.”
Alzheimer’s conversation
Curse of Mankind
Nurse: “You’re my favorite snugglebug.”
Patient: “You’re the curse of mankind.”
Quiet Manner
Nurse: “Is that folded well enough?”
Patient: “It’s off in a quiet manner.”
Sometimes
Nurse: “How are you today?”
Patient: “Sometimes on the floor.”
Real Mom
Nurse: “You ready for a nice warm shower?”
Patient: “No, I don’t have to. You’re not my real mom.”
Sinking in the Wind
Nurse: “How are you today?”
Patient: “Slowly sinking into the wind.”
Forest of Love
Nurse: “Thank you for being my love.”
Patient: “Well, I feel a lot of ways in that forest.”
Cold Hands
Nurse: “Your hands are cold.”
Patient: “I’ve been in a dishwasher all day.”
Pain Train
Nurse: “Are you in pain?”
Patient: “The train came back.”
Heart Attacks
Nurse: “Do you like hugs?”
Patient: “Only like halos and heart attacks.”
Smartest Girl
Nurse: “You’re the smartest girl I know.”
Patient: “You don’t know anybody, do you?”
I’m Dying
Patient: “I think I’m dying.”
Nurse: “No, I don’t think you are.”
Patient: “Oh, O.K. then.”
Sore Throat
Nurse: “Do you have a sore throat today?”
Patient: “It’s a fiddle.”
Fruit Train
Patient: “What do I do with the fruit?”
Nurse: “You’re in bed, there isn’t any fruit here.”
Patient: “But I peeled it.”
Nurse: “How about I take it from here.”
Patient: “That’s ok, the freight train hasn’t left yet.”
Little Bird
Nurse: “I love you.”
Patient: “You’re a little bird now.”
Mole Making
Nurse: “I love you.”
Patient: “Don’t do it too much, you’ll be mole making.”
The Holiday Spirit
Patient: “Look at how ugly that tree is.”
Nurse: “Yeah, I’m not fond of over-sized ornaments.”
Patient: “I’m going to tell everyone I know that Amy doesn’t like big balls.”
Wrinkled
Nurse: “Are you hungry?”
Patient: “I’m a little wrinkled.”
Restless Law
Nurse: “You’re restless today.”
Patient: “I’m a cop.”
Conspiracy Theory
Patient: “I was put on this planet for the alcoholics.”
Social Worker: “O.K.?”
Patient: “You know why alcohol is so addictive? It’s basically sugar, the most addictive substance on the planet.”
Social Worker: “Yes, that sounds about right.”
Patient: “You know that’s why they have cookies laying around here all the time. So they can tell us what to do and we’ll do it.”
Social Worker: “Well, they make the cookies here fresh every morning.”
Patient: “That’s what they’d like you to think. I looked in the freezer and there are a bunch of zip lock bags of cookies. And no one knows where they come from.”
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