“Are you the president of the emasculation society?”
The President
“Are you the president of the emasculation society?”
Nurse Bitterpill
Stigmata
Nurse: “Where did you get that sore?”
Patient: “It’s my ancestors bleeding through.”
Nurse: “Like a family stigmata?”
Shoes
Nurse: “Where are your shoes?”
Patient: “They’re asleep.”
Head Music
“Can I follow you around and listen to the music in your head?”
Positive Body Image
Patient: “You are full of love.”
Nurse: “It’s true. I named my fat Love. So my belly is filled with Love. Love flows from my arms when I wave. I’m basically cocooned in Love.”
Patient: “You must be the smartest most loved woman I’ve ever known.”
Smile Police
“I wish there was a smile vaccination. But I don’t want artificial smiles. You need to smile from the heart.”
Mom’s Chrysalis
“These brownies taste like mom’s chrysalis of despair.”
Worms
Patient: “It’s a good day to kill worms.”
Nurse: “Well, the sun is shining.”
Patient: “I think I’ll use your voice as the weapon. It’s killing me already.”
Troublemaker
“I’m not a troublemaker but I’ll microwave myself through it.”
Shopping
Patient leans in and whispers, “I’m shopping for a real girl.”
Nurse whispers back, “I’m a real girl.”
Two Crashing Soldiers
“Here we are, two soldiers, crashing from half into whole, where no one else wants to go.”
Because Why
“Because the why is often filled with nothing in there.”
Duct Tape
“You look like you could use some transcendental duct tape.”
Playing
“I’ll be playing in the ubie-ubie bush.”
Saturday Night Live
“Lady, you should be dropping your balls on Saturday Night Live.”
Water
“Please, I’ve had enough of this hydrated water.”
Desserts
“I’m trying to find a way not to pay for all the desserts I plan to eat.”
Big Libby
“Big Libby, you go fit your ass in the mailbox.”
A Bell On A String
The story of a Bell on a String
A few days ago a resident gave me a small bell tied to a string. She said that I should ring the bell to know what I mean to her.
This is what that bell tells me every time it rings: “I may not remember your name but thank you for being here for me, keeping me safe. I may not know exactly what you do for me but I do know that when I see you I smile and I laugh. You may fade from my thoughts when you walk away but you are always in my heart guiding me to experience joy in my every day. And when you leave here after a long shift feeling as though you may never recover from the exhaustion of being a nurse, ring this bell and know that you made a difference in one life today.”
I keep this tiny bell on a string in my car so that every time I leave the office I am reminded of making a difference in at least one life every day.
Keep Looking Up
“Keep your eye overhead and you’re liable to catch the worst human or at least a donut.”
Nurse Bitterpill [dot] com 