“Someone stole all the sandwiches. I think the Navy Seals have been here.”
“Someone stole all the sandwiches. I think the Navy Seals have been here.”
Alzheimer’s Quote
“When are you going to get me some of that snake marmalade?”
-To which I said to myself : “That would make a great band name.”
Conversations
Patient: “Daddy’s a-hurtin”
Nurse: “Why’s he a-hurtin?”
Patient: “He went off to war. And war is a lot of work.”
Conversations
Nurse: “Go to bed!”
Patient: “With who?”
Nurse: “Fair enough”
“I’m gonna pop ’em in the yes-sir.”
Quote The Nurse
“It might be easier to train squirrels to make pancakes than get her to put pants on.”
“Can you give me a stamp? I want to mail you my earlobe.”
“You look at me again without coffee, I’ll tear your nipple off.”
“Did you see where that midget went? I think she stole my mind and hid it behind the bookcase.”
“I’m sorry I’m a pain in your bounce. Which looks like it has plenty of ounce.”
“The happiest day of my life was when the whole world was fighting and they told me I was a good man.”
“Look here, never listen to jackasses and aardvarks.”
“You’re as crazy as an otter wearing britches.”
“Why are you whispering at me like the queen of secrets?”
“Did you gargle with misery this morning?”
Conversations: Sleepless Night, Insecure Night
This is a conversation I had with a resident just last night. It isn’t a funny one. It is one of the sweetest, most profound conversations I have had with anyone. It was what I call a round conversation. Meaning that it looped and repeated many times, as is typical for a conversation with Alzheimer’s. Even though this conversation repeated itself over and over in varying sequences it remained fairly cohesive, which doesn’t often happen. I am posting the basic conversation, not the many loops.
The other reason this conversation was so profound is that it was outright religion themed. Which is something that I am very careful to keep vague when speaking with patients. This conversation, however, became very deep without me even realizing it. I somehow transformed my personal spirituality into hers as a form of therapy.
Patient: “You know, the best time with you is when you smile with your heart. God Almighty gave you that lovely face for me to love.”
Nurse: “God Almighty gave you to me because he knew I’d care for you through your pain.”
Patient: “When you smile I know I have a chance in life.”
Nurse: “Then I have accomplished my goal in life.”
Patient (crying): “Does God love me?”
Nurse: “With all his heart”
Patient: “I love you for being the face of God this morning. Will you teach me a new prayer?”
Nurse: “I think you should teach me your favorite prayer.”
Patient: “Did I do something wrong to make him make me so confused? Why does it hurt so much?”
Nurse: “You did nothing wrong. Sometimes being subject to the human condition can’t be helped. It’s part of being alive. How about you teach me that prayer.”
Patient: “I think your name is my prayer today. By the way, what is your name?”
Conversations
Patient 1- “That nurse has a lot of tattoos, what kind of girl you think she is?”
Patient 2- “An exciting one.”
Nurse: “I sure am.”
“Don’t tell everyone I have sex grounds.”
Conversation
Patient- “Don’t tell her where the wiggle went. She’s already got it.”
Nurse- “I’ve been practicing my wiggle.”
Patient– “You took it all the way to Massachusetts.”
Conversations
Patient: “I think I have sexabetes.”
Nurse: “Would you like penicillin or insulin for that?”
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