“You need a hard bodied young man to stick you in a rainy ditch somewhere.”

“Did you see the giant mushroom that attacked my car?”

“What are you doing to intimately dehydrate me before dinner?”

“Go ahead lady, take another swig of that heart failure on ice.”

“Can I look down your blouse to make my belly feel better?”

“I’m going to hire a parrot to squirt on your glasses.”

“How did you get your periodicals so small?”

“I’d like to make a call to whatever airline is making beer runs.”

“I just want something to make my heart go zip-zap-how-bout-that.”

“We go together like slugs in the night.”

Patient: “You look like you swim a gay ocean. Do you row your boat in that sea?”

Nurse: “No Sir, I seem to always end up rowing on the Dead Sea.”

“You guys have really gone up my summer hole.”

“The night I wanted to strike, you put asparagus in the soup.”

“No wonder you can’t get out of this shit hole, your face is a dead zone.”

“Lady, you’re crazier than a hotel manager in a Cadillac.”

“You’re walking on dead grass today, Lady.”

“I’m going to push this dog right up your nose.”