“She couldn’t get wallpaper out of a man.”
Wallpaper Men
“She couldn’t get wallpaper out of a man.”
Alzheimer’s Quote of the night
Flying Farts
“I don’t understand things in the dark as easy as things that fly with farts.”
Soulless
“I’m losing my soul to the seat cushion.”
Refrigerated Knees
“You get around and all I get is this dusty old Frigidair on my knees.”
Gravy Suit
“I give up; I’m going to start making my gravy suit.”
Postcards
“She’s down with postcards of cole slaw.”
God Bless America
“God Bless America, land that I love. Stand beside her and fix her with liquor.”
Tires
“I forgot to put tires on my boobs.”
Television Star
“I’d like to be on television with you.”
Makin’ it
Patient 1: “Fake it til you make it”
Patient 2: “What time is naked?”
Nurse Dreamcatcher
Patient: “I had a terrible dream. I didn’t know anybody. Is there something wrong with me?”
Nurse: “I’m here to help you remember.”
Patient: “That’s good. I don’t like this dream.”
Nurse: “I’m your nurse dreamcatcher. I will take those bad dreams away and throw them into the sun.”
Patient: “This dream is getting better already.”
Been Through Crocodiles
“In my life I’ve been through crocodiles. You got to tie them up. The tiger takes ’em down. There’s no Russians around here after that.”
Flatknocks
“You got to close the flatknocks or the men won’t find their way in”
Idiot Hatchlings
“I’m an early American idiot looking for a place to hatch.”
Adopted Dinosaur
A conversation with herself:
“I don’t have a dinosaur.”
“Yes you do, you adopted one a while back.”
“I don’t remember why and how much.”
Life is a thief
“Life has a way of stealing your house shoes.”
Reading gloves
“I can’t read this because I lost my gloves.”
Smiling insomniacs
Nurse: “What is keeping you awake at night?”
Patient: “Thinking about your smile.”
Kiss the worry away
“Your kiss made the worry fly away.”
Medicine with a smile
“I’d wait for weeks to have you bring my medicine with that smile.”
Nurse Bitterpill [dot] com 