Patient: [holding a walker] “Can I call out on this thing?”
Nurse: “No. I don’t think that walker makes calls.”
Alzheimer’s Quote of the night
That Old Saying
“It’s like that old saying goes; 100 times you’re right then its too good to be your gift.”
Whiskey Eggs
“Can I have a jigger of whiskey with these eggs? They’re not happy enough.”
Lipstick Pain
“Have you noticed how badly the lipstick matches my pain?”
Rain Gathering
“Do you object to my setting up a rain gathering?”
Smiles
“Every time you smile, I smile, and that’s how smiles should work.”
Dancing Shoes
Patient 1: “Are your dancing shoes going to paint the town yellow?”
Patient 2: “Where are you going to get the paint?”
Patient 3: “From you shiny soles.”
Special Medicine
“You got that special medicine that keeps me from murdering her?”
Moon Voodoo
“Where’s mama and her merry moon voodoo?”
Bite of the Apple
“I took a big bite of the apple and I got a whole lot of swallowing to do.”
Stamped in Triplicate
Nurse: “It’s going to be a beautiful day.”
Patient: “Did you send it in triplicate, stamped good day?”
Dilating
Nurse: “How are you today?”
Patient: “Well, you know, I’m dilating.”
Sentances
“Is there any reason why when I make sentences that nothing is there on the paper?”
Belly Drum
“Did you grow that belly just for me to pat like a drum.”
Hollywood Players
“What are you doing here when Hollywood’s run out of players?”
Stranger
“You’re my favorite stranger on this road.”
Eat Everything
“I’ve got to go sit down and eat everything I know.”
Oil Fall
“That was an oil induced fall.”
Japanese Hair
“I didn’t know cats threw up Japanese hair.”
Raining Men
“We don’t want people up here raining.”
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