Patient: I want to go to the library.
Nurse: What book do you want to read?
Patient: The pokey one.
Nurse: What’s it about?
Patient: A dog that lives behind the library
Nurse: What’s the dogs name?
Patient: Pokey!
Nurse: What does pokey do?
Patient: He bites people and eats bookworms.
Nurse: Who wrote it?
Patient: I did. Just now.
Nurse: Now I can’t wait to read it.
“Does Switzerland have a moon? If it does, I love you to Switzerland and back.”
Nurse- “I’m glad you’re my friend.”
Patient- “Friends are like brothers without snowshoes.”
Patient: “You young things always take good care of me.”
Nurse: “I’m not so young these days.“
Patient: “You’re young in my heart.”
Nurse: Happy hump day, Love.
Patient: Oh yeah, who are we humping?
Nurse: A lot has changed since you were young. Did you ever think people would be stuck to phones they carry in their pockets?
100 year old Patient: No, I guess I would like a time machine to tell you all to get a life.
Nurse: You need a time machine for that?
Patient: I need one to prove how stupid this conversation is.
Nurse: Say my name.
Patient: Squirrel Dog
Patient: Did that smile get you married or divorced?
Nurse: Both
Patient: “What would you do if Jesus came down and asked you to have 4 babies for him?”
Nurse: “I’d tell him I’m not his girl.”
Patient: “That’s not the right answer. I’m going to run over your kids with this cheeseburger.”
Patient: I have 6 toes.
Nurse: I have 10.
Patient: Can they take you long distance?
Nurse: They brought me here.
Nurse: Are you hungry?
Patient: Yes. (holding my hand, he pulls it into his mouth)
Nurse: You can’t eat me!
Patient: Why not, I’m hungry.
Me: Preforming Suspicious Minds and dancing for a hallway full of patients.
Patient: “Baby Cakes, you are full of some kind of fizzy juice and wiggle squirts.”
“I’m not an atheist. I come back when I’m gone.”
Patient 1: Is that a strange witch?
Patient 2: She never came back. I didn’t see a hat.
Patient 1: Because that old man’s been coaxed.
Patient 2: That’s terrible. I should warn him.
Patient 1: Little man in Spokane, has a rich man, that never wanted to lose control over his sweet fella.
Patient 2: Spokane has good food.
Patient 1: Well, he’s somewhere in those woods and he gave me a pen.
Nurse out loud: Did David Lynch write that conversation?
Patient 1: I don’t think I can hold this old man any longer, he is crazier than the holy-cast man.
Patient 2: Holy shit, can I work it, man?
Nurse: “Do you have a pacemaker?”
Patient: “No, but I do have a cell phone.”
“I don’t know about this bed. I can’t fit anyone else in it, especially the fire department.”
Patient: “You are full of love.”
Nurse: “It’s true. I named my fat Love. So my belly is filled with Love. Love flows from my arms when I wave. I’m basically cocooned in Love.”
Patient: “You must be the smartest most loved woman I’ve ever known.”
Patient: “It’s a good day to kill worms.”
Nurse: “Well, the sun is shining.”
Patient: “I think I’ll use your voice as the weapon. It’s killing me already.”
Patient leans in and whispers, “I’m shopping for a real girl.”
Nurse whispers back, “I’m a real girl.”
Nurse Bitterpill [dot] com 